Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Warning:This whole post is nothing but my account of how i turned from 'what i was' to 'what iam now'! Nothing interesting but check out the end of this post! Read ahead at your own risk.You may be bored to the extent that you may want to bore my head with a bore!:D

When I was young,I always dreamt of living in an urban atmosphere,travelling in cushioned cars and sleeping in big beds,as kids in movies used to do.Not that im old now,as I don’t want to be comparative(younger),I used positive(young).Wow,such an optimist Iam!:P

When we moved into our home,17 years back,I was scared because the neighborhood was so silent that one can doubt that if it ever existed.And as to confirm my suspicion,there were no neighbours,which in turn was due to the fact that there were no homes around ours.Our nearest neighbor was some 100 meters away ,not that our plot was so big,but due to above-said reason.There were , say, some 100 houses in the whole 4 sq.km locality.A paddy farm bordered our small home which also served as dead end to our street.I hated that.I instead asked my dad to urge people to build an apartment there so that there would be some noise.

I used to cry when my mom dragged me on the soily brown mud-roads and the reason why I cried was to travel in luxury.And that luxury was an autorickshaw.ya,I envied the kids who used to travel in auto-rickshaw when I was to walk on all two legs!:D..There were spinach and other cash crops farms on either side of road for about half a mile from our home.That would have been a heaven for me now,but it wasn’t for me then.We never enjoy something that is granted and we crave for it when we don’t have it!!

I loved my adjoining locality which is stacked with houses and the streets were always full of people.Yet I didn’t had chance to move in that crowd.I don’t know why these two incidents are still clear in my memory:one was getting restless and crying to move away from a crowd which had gathered for a religious carnival and the other was getting lost holding a pink saree lady , thinking it was my mom’s sister when she used to pick me from school.I’m not clear when it happened,but I was in kindergartens when these happened.May be the prospect of getting lost in a crowd made me hate it later,I dunno!

We never went outside st.thomas mount for vacation.My dad used LTC for meeting the ends,with month end topping the list of ‘end’s.And who said posing before some structure built by men is the only happiness.Being in home is the best happiness one cannot buy.Others means of happiness are things one try to buy and fake the happiness for others, according to me!You know,in your home,you’re the king and you can do whatever you think!

But by the age of eighteen,I was dragged or pressurized to break this happy wall/comfort zone and I was pushed into college.This college was miles away from my place.Err..i forgot to mention the number 8 before ‘miles’.And it was the first time in my life,I felt totally helpless.Not because we are in new atmosphere,but because of my restlessness as I was sitting in jam-packed hall.I had never been in such a crowd except in theatres,that too which I went with my dad only.And this crowd was overwhelming.Rather than accepting my mind’s defeat to the crowd,I started hating the crowded places.And if I had to get a degree,I need to be in crowded places.:((

When i went to college classroom,it was crowded.


Season counter,crowded!



Exam hall,crowded!



Campus placements,crowded!

My mind,crowded!(with thoughts on how to be restmore when im in these places)

I thought of even ending my life once and this ‘once’ was once-a-day!Like”a cartoon a day”!!:P

But I’m not a coward!And my parents were a reason why I love this life.Everytime I'm in heights of anxiety at the middle of a crowd,I would think of my dad and these suicidal thoughts are of no concern to me then!

All was well till 5th sem.My close friend died during the start of 6th sem and it turned my life topsy-turvy.First,I didn’t attend his funeral bcos he was cremated in his village and my parents barred me from going there.They thought I might completely be broken when I see his corpse.Though its true to an extent,I’m still under the guilt that I didn’t do the last things which every friend indeed need to do!:(

Second, was the void he created which he can only fill.And I was in such agony that I cant even walk a few steps without gasping for breath.I cried for days both in loss and guilt.I was taken to our area doc and when he checked my BP,the mercury did a new record of attaining peak after years of try.(Just an exaggeration!)She advised me to forget everything and move on with life.And as college re-opened,I recovered .But this fucking crowd-shivers escalated.Once if you find that you have high BP(160/110) whenever you get tensed,you will relate it to heart attack.Even if you don’t,I did it. That was the terrible misconception which should have topped the hall of misconceptions!:D..But I didn’t help it to attain that height as my brain goes to that step as soon as it senses a crowd.I feared that I would die of heart arrest when I get high BP.Which would be due to anxiety,due to crowd and the rest is what I face almost everyday as I plunge into the stream of people.Yet not even my best friend knows this.Not even my parents.I thought I would face this battle alone.But my continuous failures in exams,not the arrears,but I don’t get marks for my full preparation.Then,my sluggish mind got fed up of full preparations and low marks ,where restlessness in exam halls filled the potential gap.I stopped preparing and lessened the energy gap,so there is less voltage generated by the jump!:P And thus my grades went downhill.

At first,when I told this to my mom,she thought it was fear of exams.nah!for me writing an exam is as cool as buttermilk in an clay pot.Then they went to the angle of halls and even I believed it.I tested myself by seating myself in various corners of the hall.though the huge structure made me gasp,yet I never had the anxiety as when the hall was full.

Well,all that begins well ends in borewell.I bored all my energy and got out with a degree.And I bored some of my friends too!

Now im approaching it in an angle of 'preferences'.I prefer lonely places.I don’t prefer crowds.I prefer bikes rather than crowded buses or trains.I prefer deserted road rather than crowded road.I prefer ATVM rather than ticket counter.But then how can one accept his fear to win oneself.And so,im still going out and fighting a battle which I can only win and yet I win it daily.

Now,I miss the silent neighborhood,the serene farms,the soily roads,the cool air,the lone myself walking on the lonely roads singing and hopping in joy. Now I hate crowded urban centres,concrete roads,my adherence to luxury like cellphone,internet and bike and the whole money-chasing world.

And like adding fuel to the fire,”into the wild” made me fantasize myself in its protagonist’s role.I saw a christopher mccandless in me.I too have desires of working in a farm,watering and plowing by hand.Hugging my little plants . Roaming only with shirt and pant and without any money and fear.A peaceful mind,not worried about future.Saving a money in a bank doesn’t assure a safe future and in case,you’re in city,you need to do it.Thats why I don’t like the idea of living my rest of life in a city.

SO,I end this big post with lines from the song “society” which is one of my favorite song from “into the wild”. Though he did a fault by not crossing that river,yet the thought of myself living life that way is so romantic!It just tempts me more than a pretty girl!I say this Louder,CHRISTOPHER MCCANDLESS LIVED HIS LIFE!!

It's a mystery to me,we have a greed

With which we have agreed

You think you have to want

more than you need

until you have it all you won't be free

society, you're a crazy breed

I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have

you think you need

and when you think more than you want

your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place

'cos when you have more than you think

you need more space

society, you're a crazy breed

I hope you're not lonely without me

society, crazy and deep

I hope you're not lonely without me

there's those thinking more or less less is more

but if less is more how you're keeping score?

Means for every point you make

your level drops

kinda like its starting from the top

you can't do that...

society, you're a crazy breed

I hope you're not lonely without me

society, crazy and deep

I hope you're not lonely without me

society, have mercy on me

I hope you're not angry if I disagree

society, crazy and deep

I hope you're not lonely without me

Society,i hope you will not be lonely without me!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Short term Objective!:P

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I feel that it is easy to post a tag rather than scratching our head to write on a topic.SO,i fill up the tag passed on to me by Bombay blogger (saad shaikh).

The rules:

* Link the person who tagged you.

* Post these rules on your blog.
* Share your ABCs..
* Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

* Let the 3 tagged people know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

* Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so that there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag!

So, here goes my ABC..

A – Available/Single? Single!

– Best friend? My mind!

– Cake or Pie? cake...chocolate/honey!

– Drink of choice? buttermilk!:D

– Essential item you use every day? Computer..

– Favorite colour? Blue

– Hometown? Chennai

– Indulgence? Comic strips
and animated cartoons.

– January or February? January

– Kids & their names? There are around 100 billion kids(not mine) in the world
..If i need to write it down here,its gonna take lifetime!

– Life is incomplete without? a
Happy mind!

– Marriage date? I pray it should be a happy day for me!

– Number of siblings? One elder brother..

– Oranges or Apples? Apples.. good to chew and juicy too!

– Phobias/Fears? crowds! :(

– Quote for today? Help ever,hurt never!

– Reason to smile? When i do something useful to others!

– Season? ending days of summer.

– Tag 3 People? Bard speaks,
Jaideep sobti and Thoorika.

– Unknown fact about me?Im not so rough as i look like..

– Vegetable you don't like? Brinjal!

– Worst habit? Cant tolerate hunger!
I cant concentrate on a work when my tummy tickles from inside. :((

– X-rays you've had? Thrice as far as i have in memory!

– Your favorite food?
Chicken briyani(can eat only when im outside :( ) and anything by mom!
– Zodiac sign? I dont fake the sign of others! :P

Thank you saad, for tagging me!:)


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this single pic has many political situations drawn in it!;)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I came across this interesting post about childhood misconceptions in one of the blogs(post).And my childhood misconceptions flashed across my mind. I have kinda short term memory loss (I cant recollect anything clearly,but this doesnt stand for laws,concepts and formula....education ruined my brain!!)!Still,i will try to drain down some thoughts(wouldnt it be easy if we had a pensieve,so that we can dig our head into it and recollect everything which happened) :(..

  1. I thought that the world is composed of many hemispherical bubbles.This bubbles are what we can see as sky meeting earth at horizons(not literally).i thought the world was within this bubble!
  2. Later , at age of 8 or so,I thought India is the world.At that time,I think i had come across India map only.And i mostly imagined world as wrapped by India,like we see fat men zoomed on screens so they occupy the whole screen.
  3. I was mis-taught that each star represents someone.I felt a lump in my throat whenever a star fell as shooting star,which meant to me that that person had died.
  4. I thought that the water flowed from bay of bengal to arabian sea through our streets,when there were floods.I thought this was to equalize the water level in both seas.I think this was during my 4th std.
  5. I thought that whatever that is happening to me have already happened and Im sitting somewhere with my wife and watching these as recorded tapes in VCR(those day,there was only vcr)
  6. I thought that there are people below my house who were in the past and if we go down,we can see dinosaurs and people from the past.
  7. I dont know the difference between boys and girls till 9th standard.In my 5th-6th std,i stepped into girls toilet many-a-times(bcos it was near to my class :D) not knowing the difference and was threatened by my friends that they will throw me into the dark room if i did it the next time :D
  8. I thought that all girls I see would be my future wife and they're waiting for my proposal .I feel ashamed to say this that I was in this foolish thought till my 10th standard.:(
  9. Before my age of ten,I thought that people would come through wires and perform in my TV.
  10. I had a worst of the worst misconception.Even I used to laugh at this thought of mine.But im not going to put it here ,cos its related to .....:D
I think we can make this misconceptions list as tag and I tag everyone who reads this.I look forward to read other's misconceptions during their childhood.

Rise of T20

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Sunday, July 19, 2009

Tag Tag

Instead of discussing my boring life here or criticising the not-so boring life of others,I thought filling up a tag is easy and de-stressing.I picked this tag from another blog and thought this is easy to complete .

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss..... I neither had opportunity nor a girl to kiss! :(
2. I am listening to... sound of rain!(its raining outside!!)

3. I talk... seldom.Thats why no one likes me!
4. I love... my parents and my life!

5. My best friends.....are definitely those who I got as friends in college!

6. My first real kiss... never happened!(aargh,why they repeat something that is hard for me to do)

7. Love is... what my parents show to me and to my brother!

8. Marriage is... definitely an arranged one for me and I think I can love my wife,not the other way!

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... of somebody!

10. I'll always... be thinking of scenes and enacting them secretly (not even my parents knows this)

11. The last time I really cried was because... I got to lose my interview due to crowd while travelling to company alone!(i grow somewhat restless while im all myself in crowds,may be in bus or in train...I dont like myself to be in crowds :D )

12. My cell phone ...always sleeps..stirred by forwards from friends sometimes!

13. When I wake up in the morning... I hear tamil songs ,preferably ilayaraja songs!

14. Before I go to bed... I think of scenes to be included in my yet-to-be not yet decided! :P

15. Right now I am thinking about...completing this sentence.
16. Babies are... cute,beautiful yet I didnt had chance to play with them for past 3 years..cos my cousin is no longer a baby now!

17. I miss... my college friends! :(

18. Today I... was laughing maniacally while reading chronicwriter blog.

19. Tomorrow I will be... going to my college(well,its not my now ,im alumni there :( ) with my friend !

20. I really want to be... missed by someone other than my parents!

What an idea,sirji!

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Saturday, July 18, 2009

Dhobara mat poochna!

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Friday, July 17, 2009

50th post :D

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Thursday, July 16, 2009


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15 Books tag

So,filling my blog with words after a long time.I came across this post "My 15 Books tag" and thought of listing my 15 favorite books too.This list is not sorted out based on my most favorite to least or best to better.Im just listing out whichever book i remember the most.

  1. Lord of rings(the fellowship of ring,the two towers and return of king) by J.R.R.TOLKIEN: Thought of reading the three volumes in a single-go,so took the biig 1200 pages LOTR book and spent nearly a month reading it.The font size is nearly half that of the normal font size used in almost all other novels.I thought I had to put spectacles while finishing the book.But once you start reading it,you will be glued to it. The pace picks up after gandalf meets frodo and tells the story of ring.(btw,the film and book differs in many places).This book is classic.
  2. Jurassic park by Michael crichton : The book made me feel that the movie(based on this book) directed by spielberg is not so great as i had once considered. Everything(i meant the scientific facts) in jurassic park is well explained in this book,which the film lacks. This book had many thrilling scenes than the film and im still a fan of malcolm effect.
  3. Doomsday Conspiracy by Sidney sheldon : The only book of sheldon ,the plot of which i still remember.bcos all his other books seemed to have same style of plots.But this book was completely different.The hunter becoming the hunted concept was new to me when I read this book.And i read the book twice cos I loved the pace.
  4. Angels and demons by Dan brown : The first novel i ever read.Im not used to novels till i finished my school and was very poor in english too(This post is an example).But a friend of mine introduced me to lending library nearby and im still lending books from there to read.
  5. Digital fortress by Dan brown : The twists he lays for NDAKOTA is exciting.felt like watching a film while reading it.
  6. Prey by micheal crichton : If you want to read science thriller,then go for this book.You would feel short of breath when you're reading the pages where the forman takes the crew outside the lab and returns back with some spray(i forgot!).
  7. Alchemist by paulo coelho : 'You dont need to wander or go beyond the seas to achieve your dream.The key to success can be in your own place'.This is what I learnt from alchemist.The shepherd finds his treasure in his own place.Or I should have misunderstood the inner meaning in the book :( !
  8. Timeline by michael crichton : I like sci-fi's more and so I read all of crichton's except disclosure.I related myself much to andre marek in this fiction cos he too loved history like I do.
  9. State of fear by michael crichton : One book you shouldn't miss. try reading it once.Though some may feel its boring,it has real science . The first novel to come with graphs and references.:D
  10. Andromeda strain by michael crichton : This book made me think about the ways in which evolution can take place.Interesting book for science lovers.
  11. Lost world by michael crichton : the sequel to jurassic park.Malcolm comes alive in this book.In JP,he is left dead in the park.And in this book,he is said to have survived but with broken legs.Again many interesting things like gambler's ruin,animal behaviors,evolution,etc.
  12. Sphere by michael crichton: The book which deals with psychology of people in underwater habitat. If you read crichton book,you can get entertainment plus knowledge.thats his speciality.
  13. Vanthaargal Vendraargal (வந்தார்கள் வென்றார்கள் ) by Madan : covers from gengis khan invasion to the last mughal emperor bahadur shah zafar.A must read for history lovers.
  14. Five point someone by chetan bhagat : You can laugh and feel when you're reading this book.the first time I came across a interesting concept of delivering few chapters from eyes of other characters apart from protagonist in this book.
  15. A brief history of time by stephen hawking:You should be highly patient while reading this book.Contains a lot of info's that you had to constantly refer physics book or ebook or net while reading this. And takes a lot of time to grasp hawking's view.I had headaches everytime I read this book.So placed this at end of list.


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venice of india :P

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Mak #18

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Sorry for people who dunno tamil...this is a fill in!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Mak #17

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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Mak #16

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Mak #15

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Monday, July 6, 2009

Statu(e)s Update!!

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Sunday, July 5, 2009

Mak #14

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Saturday, July 4, 2009

Mak #13

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Mak #12

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In Washington

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Friday, July 3, 2009


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Mak #11

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